Veronica!

Sitting on the porch last nite,
Holding my guitar and the notes of a lullaby.
I was making sketches in the air,
Drawing a picture of you - singing and listening to me tonite.

Is it someone again or you are the name,
That i have held everything for Veronica
You leave me unheard, i sound so absurd,
And I don't want to wake up to this life again.

I expected in real life
something that was more than a dream
Your shawdow casts a spell on me
and i thought it was the start of the spring.

Then came the end and i don't pretend,
My story just chose a new start
Waiting again, frowning the end,
stalking the moment that made us fall apart.

Now i wait for you under this lonely moon.
The sketch is still incomplete
But i know one stroke of affection
and i will stop our hopes to deceit.

Veronica, turn back see through the words.
Those Carry a bag with the pieces of my wishes.
In the end, I just smile again, '
'coz one day i will grow out of me from these ashes.

*Veronica, is still a little upset with me, but i am sure she will make both of us proud one day.
Disclaimer: If you thought you are Veronica, then you might just be right!

Vengeance.

Pretty Girl, you know a bit too much about you.

Behind your face you hide a story so obvious.

I can read your twisted letters they aren't so decieving.

After all, you are flesh and bones, a creation of the living.

Fight it on, mocking me as if i am on the other side

Fuel your thoughts better and know about yourself.

I am a reflection to haunt you, if not now then some other time.

I will be kind to leave, but not unless i get there.

So you try, with some other guy

I will rewind, to the place i started.

All your hopes will wait for another day

You had your chance, now it's your turn to pay.

Pretty girl, this beauty is not permanent.

As the makeups wash away with time, you don't turn naive.

You have shown me a side of me, that i hate to morph in.

Turn me to my alter self to find a heartbeat that skipped in vain.

I am the one and i am the only one is a bit overrated,

You know it's a big world that we live in to pleasure our senses

There are pictures that fit better than you in them,

Try to look out, don't live in within yourself.

So you try, with some other guy

I will rewind, to the place i started.

All your hopes will wait for another day

You had your chance, now it's your turn to pay.

The thoughts of the author are based on real life experiences...Any resemblance of any kind is more than just a coincidence. Read your credit if you can spot that.

Miles to go before i sleep

...It was the Autumn of 1998, a heart was filled with Joy and anticipation. It was this time every year, when the trees used to change colors, when the birds were heard singing notes clearly and of course it was the time when a boy waited to get gifts from his relatives in the form of new clothing. He loved wearing clothes and it was only this time of the year that he could afford them. Every time he saw one, he would just draw portraits of himself in the air and fit himself in one of those Bollywood movies, the songs of which were never as romantic as right now. He knew that it was a hard fought battle in a place where even the leafs of the tree won't fly unless the wind comes and blows them away. It was a place where excitement had a limited meaning, where the biggest achievement in everyone's life was to inherit a Job for the Indian Railways from their parents.

For some weird reason, he did not strike a good balance with his friends. He always had a different opinion about everything, he had different choices. Bourne with insecurity, he thought that people did not like him much because of his 'Good Boy Attitude'. No use of abusive words, no distasteful talks that would make his mother angry, he would just stay away from all the 'fun' that his friends liked to do. He was a cricket fanatic. The days when he could come to know of an Indian match, he will have a sleepless night imagining how his favorite southpaw Saurav Ganguly would perform. He was growing up at a place where dreams were limited to a height and was definitely not about touching the sky...but he believed...

Coming back to Autumn of 1998, he had bought the cassette of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. How so ever, he hated Shahrukh Khan movies and wanted Salman Khan to be the bigger star, he would not hesitate to admit that he liked the way SRK romanced women in his movies. For a brief moment he would just wish to be like him. The 4 Cinema halls showing movies a few years back were reduced to only 3 and they showed movies atleast a month after their release. It was not worth the wait and the cable television would keep showing the dated movies from time to time. This box that many people call an Idiot Box, was the source of information for him. It opened the whole world's panoramic view in front of him. He would just love watching it, skipping his syllabus, skipping his meals. It was only this Television which taught him that Kolkata was a BIG city, where expensive cars whizzed by the road. In this town, he could only spot a Maruti 800 rarely.

Financially, he could manage a video game from his mother as his birthday gift. He was very hesitant in asking her but everytime he did, he was never denied. He would feel guilty of it, because he knew that it was not easy for her to buy such expensive stuff for him. . He had a bitter taste of the society in his mouth already and just kept dreaming of a day when he would just flee with his mother...

Today it's 17th March 2011, i am back in Alipurduar. The place where i grew up. The premise of the story is left unchanged. The trees look lifeless, people still have the same dream job. The displacement they have during their days is just as much as a walk to the nearest tree trunk to take out a bundle of cards. Teenagers still have a lot of angst in them and think themselves as great warriors if they could beat up the other guy. The Cinema halls are now reduced to 2 and they hardly show any movies other than that in Bengali. The cars are more visible, we see a Santro often. However, at night the only thing that breaks the silence of the darkness around is a whistle of a train. No one has moved in their lives, they look content, they look happy. I feel guilty that i am still not totally successful in my dream of taking my mom out of this place. She sleeps after a tiring days' of work with the television set on, if it was not for me, i wonder when she wakes up to turn it off on the other days. I want this to end badly. After 11 years since i left this place, i really cannot recognize myself as one of them...When i realize that i am wrong - my heart gets filled with pride...I just hum the lines that read...Miles to go before i sleep....

Sailing where my mind takes me now...

It was in the year 2001 when i realized for the first time that i should have a dream in my life...I wanted to sing...I remember the song - It's my life by Bon Jovi at that time and how i would visualize the video while taking the buses from Alipurduar to Coochbehar where i was studying in high school...The whole idea of a band came with our first performance on the annual day on 21st of April 2001 - Five of us on stage and No Matter What by Boyzone on the playlist...Little did i know that boy bands were cheesy back then...But that day did mark the start of day dreaming under the sun...Scrobling my thoughts down on a piece of paper as there were no laptops or computers back in those days...Capturing every bit of my imagination...Some of them could have actually lead to a homicide if read in detail.

I had no idea about what engineering is...until someone told me that i should go for IIT JEE(I refuse to take anybody's name in this post)...There was no reason for giving IIT, if it was not for music...I still cannot correlate the two things...Anyway...I don't regret my decision till today...Actually Engineering suited me...the engineering college..even more...from being a small town and an unknown face in the crowd to a popular name in college...It felt good when they gave me that watch...I must say, i have done well in my studies throughout my life other than the biggest setback i had during my class Xth board exams even after doing great in my pre-tests...Don't know what went wrong there...It just took away the confidence from my life for the next 3 years...

I was never a guy to boast about myself...I realized soon that in this world the fight is to become a good human being and networking with people is the best thing that can happen...I loved to talk and meet new people...Engineering got over and i got a job in Bangalore...Again little to the surprise of my destiny and without sparing a moment to connect the dots...I came here...Through out this whole time, my destiny was to become a musician...and i must say...i did not want to become a musician for myself...I wanted to play music to the world...I wanted people to hear me and only that could give me any pleasure...

The ship just sailed half sunk in water...Until, after 3 years and 7 months of being in Bangalore, i finally took a call about what i would want to do and how i would want to do....Sometimes the fight is so prolonged that you loose the sense of a comeback...rather comeback becomes an illusion...Today i know what can make me happy....I will keep playing music for the rest of my life and for that it is necessary that i take a break now...I am not hanging up my boots...I am just going into a hiatus...This time around, connecting the dots make a lot more sense because i just reversed my thought process...I have never been so determined ever...and i am sure i won't regret it.

Caught in the wrong Job

How many times did this thought cross your mind that – You are caught in a wrong job?

It’s funny how we all landed up where we are. It might be an easy guess that most of us are into what we are doing because it just happened to us. I might have been working my ass up into some other stuff given I did not have an engineering to do. 99% of the time you are either following the society or you are following your fate.

It aptly means that your interest towards doing what you are doing will die a slow death or you would be mostly bored at work like me.

I wonder what stops us from taking that step towards doing something that we really like to do. I guess the word is Courage. It’s hard to be a rebel in this world where everything is prototyped, where you are molded into a religion and mostly made a follower of some creed.

If we think a little then we would know that the rules of the society are made by arriving at an optimization that works the best for maintaining balance in the society. It is probably a set of rules which were made to give everyone a possession of their own. At the advent of the society – did we have a Hindu Follower, a muslim follower, a Jew, a Christian etc with each of them depicting their own theories of start of the universe? It doesn’t work that way – these are what you are made to think like. There are three important things by which every human being is controlled by that external body we call GOD…These are – Love and Lust. All the other feelings are derivatives of these two – be it sorrow or joy or anything else.

I have always been fascinated about knowing what happens to us when we die. But you see, this is a condition that can not be experienced unless it’s attained and neither can be copied from someone else’s– I wonder what science calls this state? From childhood, we have been made to think in shapes, boundaries, limits – so whatever we see around us – our brain always tries to confine it within a marked line. It maybe very analogous to think that the human brain functions like a computer program where if you input an infinite loop, it would have far widening implications that would create an imbalance in the system. Much like the same, our human brain has certain limitations and it is just not possible to go beyond it, but that also means that the reality is far widening then what we can think. We might be a part of a bigger ecosystem that we can’t figure out. Imagine the computer program. It only knows that there is a computer which contains many other computer programs inside it and everything is contained inside a PC analogous to what we call our UNIVERSE. This write up is evolving my thought process as I write further, probably for the good of it.

So now, imagine, what can a possible computer program do to sense a world which is beyond its existence. Cloud Computing? Interesting? Yes, the computer program can get to know about parallel Universes that exist by connecting through an external media called the Internet – which again is actually a computer program of its own. It’s funny how everything is recursive in life and everything eventually boils down to the state of singularity where everything was nothing but just ONE. But what happened to our quest to come out of the computer world and dive into a new world. I think by this time you have already figured out the problem of coming out of the Computer world – If the computer program comes out of the computer world then it would loose it’s identity of being a program. So the next thing to bother here is the change of states, but don’t worry, I won’t bother you much with that for this post atleast.

I think death is that phase where the change of state happens for a human being. This is the time when you go into a different dimension and loose your existing one. There are no rules followed as the ones that are followed in the existing world – a new beginning happens.

Now you would wonder how to co-relate the start of the post to where it went and where it is right now. I guess, the purpose of change of states is not an easy concept after allJ.