Miles to go before i sleep

...It was the Autumn of 1998, a heart was filled with Joy and anticipation. It was this time every year, when the trees used to change colors, when the birds were heard singing notes clearly and of course it was the time when a boy waited to get gifts from his relatives in the form of new clothing. He loved wearing clothes and it was only this time of the year that he could afford them. Every time he saw one, he would just draw portraits of himself in the air and fit himself in one of those Bollywood movies, the songs of which were never as romantic as right now. He knew that it was a hard fought battle in a place where even the leafs of the tree won't fly unless the wind comes and blows them away. It was a place where excitement had a limited meaning, where the biggest achievement in everyone's life was to inherit a Job for the Indian Railways from their parents.

For some weird reason, he did not strike a good balance with his friends. He always had a different opinion about everything, he had different choices. Bourne with insecurity, he thought that people did not like him much because of his 'Good Boy Attitude'. No use of abusive words, no distasteful talks that would make his mother angry, he would just stay away from all the 'fun' that his friends liked to do. He was a cricket fanatic. The days when he could come to know of an Indian match, he will have a sleepless night imagining how his favorite southpaw Saurav Ganguly would perform. He was growing up at a place where dreams were limited to a height and was definitely not about touching the sky...but he believed...

Coming back to Autumn of 1998, he had bought the cassette of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. How so ever, he hated Shahrukh Khan movies and wanted Salman Khan to be the bigger star, he would not hesitate to admit that he liked the way SRK romanced women in his movies. For a brief moment he would just wish to be like him. The 4 Cinema halls showing movies a few years back were reduced to only 3 and they showed movies atleast a month after their release. It was not worth the wait and the cable television would keep showing the dated movies from time to time. This box that many people call an Idiot Box, was the source of information for him. It opened the whole world's panoramic view in front of him. He would just love watching it, skipping his syllabus, skipping his meals. It was only this Television which taught him that Kolkata was a BIG city, where expensive cars whizzed by the road. In this town, he could only spot a Maruti 800 rarely.

Financially, he could manage a video game from his mother as his birthday gift. He was very hesitant in asking her but everytime he did, he was never denied. He would feel guilty of it, because he knew that it was not easy for her to buy such expensive stuff for him. . He had a bitter taste of the society in his mouth already and just kept dreaming of a day when he would just flee with his mother...

Today it's 17th March 2011, i am back in Alipurduar. The place where i grew up. The premise of the story is left unchanged. The trees look lifeless, people still have the same dream job. The displacement they have during their days is just as much as a walk to the nearest tree trunk to take out a bundle of cards. Teenagers still have a lot of angst in them and think themselves as great warriors if they could beat up the other guy. The Cinema halls are now reduced to 2 and they hardly show any movies other than that in Bengali. The cars are more visible, we see a Santro often. However, at night the only thing that breaks the silence of the darkness around is a whistle of a train. No one has moved in their lives, they look content, they look happy. I feel guilty that i am still not totally successful in my dream of taking my mom out of this place. She sleeps after a tiring days' of work with the television set on, if it was not for me, i wonder when she wakes up to turn it off on the other days. I want this to end badly. After 11 years since i left this place, i really cannot recognize myself as one of them...When i realize that i am wrong - my heart gets filled with pride...I just hum the lines that read...Miles to go before i sleep....