Today a strange question was asked to me, What do i want in my life? And to my surprise, i was paused for about 1 minute before i could answer it. My answers were, a family - maybe coz i have always craved for one. Maybe coz i know that family gives us strength. Then i just couldn't answer anything beyond it. So i decided that i will go back home, shut myself out in my room and write this down on my blog. Today i want to think about me, myself and what i would look forward to have in my life.
I think i have lived this life mostly for others so far. Be it for getting love, be it for playing music, be it for feeling obligated to care for someone. But really is it eventually the thing that i would want to take down to my grave? I think i have spent most part of my life, choosing sadness over happiness. I have always looked at what i don't have instead of looking at what god gave me. It's a mindset, i need to change for my good because now my survival is under threat. I just cannot feel bad, i just cannot feel dejected, unhappy and insecure.
Anyway coming back to what i want from life. I think i got goals in my life during my +2. With very little practical knowledge about life. I set my sights on becoming a musician. More like Savage Garden back in those days and slowly my tastes bled into becoming a rock musician. I guess somehow in the past 3-4 years, i have lost that interest because i tasted waters that sort of made me realize that it's a wild goose chase. But today i want to fall back and ask myself that same question again - is it really a wild goose chase at the end of the day? What is possible in life? To love someone so much that you'd think that life will not move on without her and then eventually look back and discover that it was just a phase and you can quit anything in life? Is it about believing that the job i have, that pays me handsomely today would sustain me for the next 40 years? To imagine that i would fall in love again and never ever let go of that person? Everything is possible in life. If disasters are easier to believe in then i am sure that fate has an equal share of happiness associated with it. I think it's only a practice, that we human beings need to do - Be fearless and Choose the things we want. I want to go back and tell myself that maybe i don't want my music career as passionately as i used. Maybe i have given up on the sight to see. Maybe i need to resurrect my thoughts once again and do what i like. As i write this, i guess there are no two thoughts on what i want to become in life. I don't want to be an IT professional, neither i want to become an MBA grad. I want to be loved by a million and i want to love that one special person, who'd love me differently than those millions out there. I want to sing to a crowd and make them reciprocate my feelings. I want to travel around the world - take the long drive around the grand canyon and say that i have lived life Kingsize!
I think i have to revive what i am loosing with every single minute passing by me. I have to think about things that i really beckon from life. Not something that can give me a momentary phase of happiness. I have to release myself from shackles that hold me close to a situation and makes me change my emotions towards them. I think those human beings who change because of situations are spineless. I don't want to be one of them!
I think i have found my answer to what i want in life eventually now...
I think i have lived this life mostly for others so far. Be it for getting love, be it for playing music, be it for feeling obligated to care for someone. But really is it eventually the thing that i would want to take down to my grave? I think i have spent most part of my life, choosing sadness over happiness. I have always looked at what i don't have instead of looking at what god gave me. It's a mindset, i need to change for my good because now my survival is under threat. I just cannot feel bad, i just cannot feel dejected, unhappy and insecure.
Anyway coming back to what i want from life. I think i got goals in my life during my +2. With very little practical knowledge about life. I set my sights on becoming a musician. More like Savage Garden back in those days and slowly my tastes bled into becoming a rock musician. I guess somehow in the past 3-4 years, i have lost that interest because i tasted waters that sort of made me realize that it's a wild goose chase. But today i want to fall back and ask myself that same question again - is it really a wild goose chase at the end of the day? What is possible in life? To love someone so much that you'd think that life will not move on without her and then eventually look back and discover that it was just a phase and you can quit anything in life? Is it about believing that the job i have, that pays me handsomely today would sustain me for the next 40 years? To imagine that i would fall in love again and never ever let go of that person? Everything is possible in life. If disasters are easier to believe in then i am sure that fate has an equal share of happiness associated with it. I think it's only a practice, that we human beings need to do - Be fearless and Choose the things we want. I want to go back and tell myself that maybe i don't want my music career as passionately as i used. Maybe i have given up on the sight to see. Maybe i need to resurrect my thoughts once again and do what i like. As i write this, i guess there are no two thoughts on what i want to become in life. I don't want to be an IT professional, neither i want to become an MBA grad. I want to be loved by a million and i want to love that one special person, who'd love me differently than those millions out there. I want to sing to a crowd and make them reciprocate my feelings. I want to travel around the world - take the long drive around the grand canyon and say that i have lived life Kingsize!
I think i have to revive what i am loosing with every single minute passing by me. I have to think about things that i really beckon from life. Not something that can give me a momentary phase of happiness. I have to release myself from shackles that hold me close to a situation and makes me change my emotions towards them. I think those human beings who change because of situations are spineless. I don't want to be one of them!
I think i have found my answer to what i want in life eventually now...
1 comment:
Good one bhai :)
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