Music for everyone OR music for ...

There's a little bit of discovery that i seem to be leading up to. This is about questioning what my senses have accepted as inspiration over the years. In the year 2000, Bon Jovi's - It's my life - really appealed to me. I used to take buses to travel to Coochbehar from Alipurduar and picture myself to be the guy - in that video. I used to carry a 'walkman' with a cassette inside. That cassette was  called "Crush" that I had borrowed from Sauvik. So it began, a journey to start listening to the Western bands...I sort of back tracked a bit to the boy bands - BSB, Blue, Westlife etc. Also liked some brit pop in the form of Ronan Keating, Robbie Williams etc.

I went on to listen to a lot of mainstream rock music and always felt the guilt of not having heard a lot of back catalog of artists from the 90s, the hair metal era as few of my friends posed of a huge legacy of music they had heard. Somewhere inside me, the English rock music was proving to be a remedy to the misery i was living in. It always painted the picture of a far better world than the one i was living in. It influenced me so much that I even became a part of a English Rock band. We released about 3 albums before falling apart. Why did we fall apart? Maybe because we didn't achieve as much as we would have wanted to. Maybe we lacked the tenacity - hell, maybe we weren't talented enough. Whatever be the reason, i started loosing the passion with which I listened to music in the past. That Rock music which was like this the remedy, is now sort of forgotten and replaced by a lack of belief.

I think I started listening to Rock music because it painted a vague dream in my world, where I pictured myself as an unrealistic hero with a huge influence on others' life through my words. The dream broke and I woke up to reality only about couple of years back. The reality is very very sad. I know I have even turned into over criticizing some of the beliefs I developed as a kid. I started questioning the very basis of English Rock music in my life. Is it something that I would have ever excelled with? Is there a reason to believe that Rock music has primarily been a thing about the developed and not of a society that still taking strides towards it? I started looking at the demography of nations who actually produced great Rock bands. The bands are great coz their work is appreciated by a majority. So are there any from India who are recognized and respected on a world stage? The answer is NO.

I slowly started realizing that maybe it wasn't about our band's music or our talent as such. It is more about the kind of music we chose to play. Hell, we played quite a few gigs - but barring a few instances - we barely felt special. Carry your own instruments, pay for the cabs, setup your own stuff and then get paid peanuts. Even before we actually played a gig, the process to get a gig was equally tenacious. What happened to that kid, who actually painted a dream on someone else's chalkboard? Dead!

Actually, the self discovery took more twisted turns as I started discovering that we were even very specific with our choice of music. We never liked the R n B or hip hop. So what was it that we were listening to?  I tend to believe that we are plain delusional to use that chalkboard to paint a picture. As the reality soaks in, i start to think - what's the best way to play music without painting any picture?
Till i find that answer, I would probably stay a bit indifferent.

Sambhar with Basanti Pulao part II

This is a continuation of my earlier post. I am in a mood to write so i wouldn't spare a day before i write the second part in the series.

Ever since August 2007 till now, I have spent majority of my time in the city of Bengaluru. Barring a year when i was canada and about 20 odd visits to Bengal for an average of 7 days (that makes it 140 days in 7 years), I have spent all the time in this city. The IT industry sort of shields you from a majority of things. No matter how much we blame it, there's a sense of sanity that still prevails in this industry. I found Bengaluru work culture to be very disciplined and well behaved. It was the perfect cosmopolitan environment that I had found during my schooling. Our lunch group in my first company - Wipro Technologies, consisted of a 3 Oriyas, 2 Mallayali, 2 Kannadigas, 1 Maarwadi and 1 Bengali. Here I am just talking about the close group of people I had lunch with, but the sample space at work was even more diverse. So you know - you will definitely find 'one of your kind' here in Bengaluru. I spent some considerable amount of time to learn the local language and I can verse in bits in pieces now. It's the beauty of embracing the local culture which is so similar from one another yet so distinct that makes India a 'one of a kind' nation.

Bengaluru has a range of restaurants and it wouldn't be wrong to say - that you will find food from any part of India here. I am not joking when I say - that there are several popular Naga kitchens here in Bengaluru. The city is a mix of cultures, here people celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi as their major festivity with Ugadi being the New Years celebration, 1 week before the usual Bengali new year. The local language here is Kannada but you'd get away if you speak Tamil/Telegu/Mallayalam/Hindi/English. The city hosts a majority of the South Indian population from various neighboring states but hold on - for the past 2 years, I have been witnessing about 36 Durga Pooja pandals in the city. 36?? That's as many I had in Alipurduar which is in Bengal. The pandals are not just attended by Bengalies but are attended by people from all of India including the south.

When it comes to food habits, I found Kerala dishes to be the most unique amongst all other South Indian cuisines. South Indians typically use a lot of tamarind in their food. I'd be very honest but the very first day, I heard that there are people here who have only eaten veg food in their lives, I was SHOCKED!! In Bengal, there's no one I knew of who ate veg food, other than of course on auspicious days. To see that almost every other South Indian finishes off their meal with curd and rice - was also unique in the eyes of a Bengali. I also didn't know that they could have a meal with just curd/rice and some mixed veg achar. Over the years, I had only known of Idli Sambhar and Masala Dosa in Bengal but now, I know about Akki Roti/Uttapam/Pudi Powder/Avial/Rasam/Curd Rice/Set dosa/Open Dosa/Rawa Dosa and the list just goes on... Sometimes, I wonder if my mom really thinks that she has lost a son to South India when I tell her that i dig the meals we get here. Well that doesn't mean that I don't like the usual Bengali dishes. I do.

People here don't have the ritual of touching elders' feet everytime you meet them. This was one rule that was embedded in my head by my mom and I can't help but do that to elders I meet here. They have their weddings in the day time here. Bengalies do that as late as possible in the night. The weddings don't have any Non-Veg food when following the Hindu rituals, In Bengal - if that happens, then you'd be cursed for the rest of your life for not treating people with atleast 2 varieties of fish alongside mutton and chicken curry. Here, the Brahmins don't eat non vegeterian food, in Bengal - there's no difference in the food habits amongst people. Here they have designated halls to host the weddings called - Kalyan Mandapas, in Bengal - all you'd use a hall for is to treat people. During tea time conversations, Majority of Kannadigas/Telegus can speak Hindi whilst the Tamils/Mallayalis are not so pro/interested in using Hindi, In Bengal - it would not have such a mix of people anyway and if you turn out to be the unlucky one then you'd probably end up learning the language. However, here I found political parties driven by castes but in Bengal there's hardly anything influenced by castes other than some marriages.


The differences probably end there, the rest of the things seemed similar.  People - their basic nature, the things they like and the typical Indian rituals. Friendship is one thing that has got a new meaning here in this city. I made few of my best friends in this city and not just from this city but from various other places in India. It's a city where I can walk into a Bhojohori Manna for a regular Bengali meal or go into a Calfornia Burrito to eat some tex mex food. I'd walk to an Anjappar or Nagarjuna for South meals or go into a Chinese Delicacy to eat some Thukpa and Momos. It's a city where I can learn Kannada and at the same time hear Kannadigas knowing/learning few words of Bangla. It's a city where people will reply to you in Hindi/English but would be delighted if you knew a few letters of their language. This is a city, where you'd learn the first about western Fashion and yet find way around with the culture you'd like to follow. There's a reason why I love Bengaluru...It has that small city feel for me yet growing really big. There's a reason why people have decided to live here despite probably being a misfit to begin with. There are little adjustments that I try every day, by not forgetting who I am...a Bengali at my heart but an Indian to the core...and I feel, it would have only been possible here in this city!

Sambhar with Basanti Pulao.

This is different from my usual posts. I am not going to be writing philosophical things but would like to lay down some dishes on the table. I am a Bengali who's been in Bengaluru for the past 7 and half years. I must start by saying that my perception of this place was nothing like what it turned out to be over the years. While growing up, I had my science and English teacher from Madurai. When they first came to my hometown in Alipurduar, there means of communication had to be either Bengali or a little Bihari dialect inspired Hindi. Let's face it, Bihar is the closest to my home town and we do have a lot of UPites and Biharis there.

Kendriya Vidyalaya allows to have teachers from various parts of our country. In my school in particular, we tried speaking in English but i for one was never good with it. I could write but i could never speak. I would say - i was representing the majority mass of my school who were like me. So what did Mr. Ramanath or Miss TS Asha Devi do to survive? They would talk to us in English but then we wouldn't be able to reply back. They would try to speak in Hindi but we wouldn't understand. A great contrast. Over the years though - both Ramanath Sir and Asha Ma'am picked up their Hindi skills. I was a bit surprised about them not knowing Hindi from before, since all of my friends could speak the language. I only realized the portion of the population of Bengalies not well versed to speak Hindi when i went to College but that's for a different time. Along side Asha Ma'am and Ramanathan Sir - I had the company of few pseudo Telegu guys studying in my class. I say pseudo coz, these guys were so well versed with Bengali that even my mom wouldn't know where they were actually form. There's a huge bunch of them in Alipurduar. I was good with GK in my school time and I had read that Kerala is the first state in India that achieved 100 per cent literacy. The other reason was of course the fact that Kerala and Bengal were the only two states with the communist governments. Add to this the "Mile sur mera tumhara" video on doordarshan...and I would know that there are some languages in the south which are distinct and different unlike of course the common perception that exists here in the south that people from "North" (they only know that there are North Indians and South Indians), think that they are all from Madras.  I tell you, that's a BIG FALSE assumption. Or maybe - we are talking about stereotypes here.


So I land up in Chennai for my first job assignment. During my college years, I had heard about Bengalore (then) as the city that hosted a bunch of rock shows. There was a swagger about the place. It was so called the "hep" town to be in. The opportunity to get posted in Bangalore within the first 10 days - did fill me up with a great deal of Joy. So I land up here in Bangalore and honestly, i was blown away by the contrast in climate across these two cities which are  separated by approximately 250 KMs. Bengaluru was cold in August, the nights were chilly, literally cold in 2007. I am a bad traveler w.r.t clothing or accessories. I don't like carrying much. I didn't have anything to wrap myself around other than a bed sheet which my mom had packed in my bag. I had a Sony Ericson phone. I switch it on to listen to the FM radio and Hola! I heard a channel dedicated to English music!! I will never forget that feeling (call it fixation) but i was amazed by that. Kolkata never had it and now i was in this city where I was looking forward to meeting all of my rock gods and was gifted with the chance to headbang in style.

This post turned out to be bigger than what i anticipated, so i am going to write over a continuation on the same about the cultural experiences I have had after coming to the City of Bengaluru in my follow up post.

How long can you avoid Mid-life crisis?

I can't believe that I am already a resident of this planet for the past 30 odd years. The movie Interstellar sort of bent my thinking a bit. Esp about the fact that our senses or the neural system cannot detect the dimension known as time. Even though we know that the position of an object changes in the X, Y or Z directions, we can never sense the change in time. The absence of this sense stops us from moving between two points in time or rather let's say - we just keep moving in one direction without a control.

Nah, i don't want to write another science fiction post here. I am just going to dump by brain on the title of this post - that is the symptoms of a mid-life crisis.
You see, I started my life with the least number of friends and I was a part of a silo life - living with my mom. Slowly, I started making friends, I started moving out to different places. Things got to a point where I would battle time to give time to people.

Things have dramatically changed in the past 2 odd year esp the last one. Here I list down 3 categories where I point out 3 types of varieties for each category.

Facebook.
 
I login to Facebook and I see posts of 3 different nature:

1. People outside India on Onsite. They never talk about the work you do, but it does tell you that the west is a far more cleaner place and we Indians boast of posting photos. We even seem to have more knowledge about such places than of our very own country.

2. People getting married or posting about a birth of a child.

3. People talking about a topic that gives them an easy access to blame the system or the society. These people take a pot shot at social issues by putting in harsh words and pretend to make a change by writing a few words on social media.

Friends

1. People who are married. It solely depends on the stage of their marriage.  But in general they are inter twined in their own little lives so much that they wouldn't care about not making up to some place. They have a way to blame it on their wives.

2. People who are frustrated coz they are not married. These people are not married and they don't want to make any efforts to get married either. The resultant is seclusion and mood swings from time to time.

3. A rare breed of unmarried, free willed, youthful people. These guys are self contained and they mean fun. I have seen this 3rd category shift towards the 2nd one very rapidly with age.

Myself

1. All of a sudden, i want to earn more and more money. I seem to have started acknowledging that 'savings' and earning good money in life are very important. It's important to gather assets and then sit over them till you die.

2. Laptops and Mobile phones are my best buddies. All of my friends have turned electronic and I don't use the phone to call them anymore, I type to them.

3. I have more 'practical' dreams. Dreams are meant to be unrealistic - that's why they are called dreams. What's the use of dreaming - 2 kids and 3 bungalows after 10 years. That seems cliché and something everyone associates themselves with. But i seem to be giving in.


So as you see it, the mid-life crisis is dawning on me, coz slowly but surely - the contagious effect is succumbing me to it.

2014 - the year that wasn't!

2014 has been a very mixed year. I got promoted earlier in the year at work without much benefits. I bought a house in the 2nd half of the year but had to toil the heck out for the home loan. Now I almost know why things move so slow in Kolkata. It's in the grass roots of things. Anyway - this year would be remembered more coz I lost my dream of becoming a musician. I lost the power to put forward a case where I could find a viable reason to ask others to stay in Bangalore and pursue this so called delusional dream of ours. However at the same time, we released our 3rd studio album this year and also for the first time ever in my life - we came on National TV coz MTV aired our music video over and over again.

Ugh, with the band - we touched some great highs this year - but by the time we made the jump - we had already lost the battle. I became a little insensitive about music. I can feel it every single day. I'd not be able to live a single day without  listening to the songs I loved, but now - I open youtube and I don't know what to type in there. I have probably spent the most amount of time with my laptop and on my phone that any other year. I spoke on whatsapp more than I spoke in person or over phone. I tried to get back in shape towards the latter part of the year but it's a hard job given the amount of junk i consumed during the first half.
3 of my patents got filed this year and I got some capital to invest in the house I bought.

Mom is going to go for a BIG transition next year coz of her retirement and I'd probably be tying the knot for a new beginning. On one hand, 2014 has been a year of broken dreams. On the other hand, this year gives me a hope for the future. A future that probably awaits me in 2015. I expect things to change for the better. Whilst my 20s have been about building a tomorrow for myself and my mom, my 30s would be about exploring the beauty of life.

So now - coming to the part of what I would want 2015 to be. Well, I have a set of goals and the seeds of rebirth are planted this year itself. So here it goes:

1. I'd like to return to music. I'd like to return music in a conscious way. Doing things like never before. I want to learn the Piano and by mid/end next year I should be good with the keys. I'd like to write more of poetry and music.

2. I'd like to be with my mom for a longer period than any of the last 7 years. She misses me a lot but now that she'd be retired - I'd try to get her to Bangalore to spend some good time.

3. I'd like to make at least one foreign trip. My post 30 years should be about exploring the world like I said. I'd like to go on trips, trips and trips with my buds.

4. I'd like to kill the boredom of being alone, precisely would like to get married. They say - life, death and marriage are 3 things in a man's life where one has no control. But you see, life and death are inevitable...

5. I'd like to excel at work. Something I have managed to do over the years. But the difference this year would be to create an impact where I am recognized outside my company's recognition.

2015 shall be the year to return to things. To love people more, to stay connected with friends, to bring happiness in our world and to kick some butt for god sake!

'Coz I am happy!

I have always been obsessed with the sky. I remember my childhood, during powercuts - Maa would ask me to sit down on "uthoon" - under the open skies and i would pretend to study. I was more keen on looking up literally than looking down. Looking up was full of mysteries - unanswered questions that seemingly would never end like the universe and looking down would mean - looking at things that would always hold me down to a limited space - a limited set of thoughts. How true is that about life?

Today i was talking to my Mashi. My young cousin sister Gudiya is going through her days of finding the right career path. She is filled with a bunch of premonitions and apprehensions. She relies on a lot of conceived beliefs from his brother and then there are thoughts that concur it. I would advice her to be courageous. Never have a feeling that she can't do something coz she is not meant to do something. There's nothing like that in this world. It's a ecosystem problem, more subjective to your first degree of contact - people in your innermost circle of friends/family. I think if i can instill that confidence in her that she can do something - just by proper planning - there will be no turning back. So i told Mashi that she shouldn't give up JEE. The pure sciences and BSc is a good thing to do - but engineering is always this inverted funnel - it's tough to get in - but very easy to get out. They fear the engineering market shrinking in the future. If you ask me - it never can and never will.

So i came up with this classic case using which i tried to defend my case. Today in Indian Railways - we have still a lot of paper handwritten work that's being done. However, my mom tells me that it's becoming mandatory for people to know computers and basic working with it - going forward. What does that show? It shows evolution - even though all that Railways needs to do is follow a well discovered path - which has been tried and tested already by others in the world. But evolution none the less. It gets to show now - that those things which took 2 days to complete, will take barely 2 hours. The internet has transformed the way we live our lives. I think it's the most precious discovery post the stone age era. But there's a hazard - and obvious hazard and mind you - the unions wouldn't like it. If you start doing work faster - you will loose out on employment. Everything will start taking care of things of it's own and there would be reduced human intervention. Hence those who can't adapt - in this case - acquire the necessary skills - will perish. Those who will adapt are the ones who will survive and by the way - they will survive in the most coveted way - imagine the first person in a village who learned to send e-mails.

So i told her - to not for see things 4 years in advance and be the future predictor, instead learn the skill to adapt. Studying engineering/history/geography or spirituality - will all yield you what you want - if you know how you want it and if you know how to 'adapt'. Talking of adaptation - I am sick of what I am adapting to - a life without music - mundane thoughts and Pharell. Till the next time i comeback - i am going to stay happy, listen to a lot of music, sing my lungs out and eat hell lot of momos!

The Hong Kong tour diary!

I recently had a chance to go visit Hong Kong for the Openstack Summit 2013. Well to be honest, i recognize the name Hong Kong from a very long time. We always heard of HK as a city that produces quite a few gadgets infact, in Silliguri, West Bengal - we even have a market called "Hong Kong Market". They sale all sorts of electronics/gadgets/watches/shoes etc over there for cheaper prices of supposedly famous brands. So when i heard about the summit, i went to youtube and played some videos about HK. To be honest, i had this perception that i would come back from HK with a lot of gadgets and possibly a few watches - coz i like fancy watches. Still, i wasn't too excited about it and the feeling sort of aggravated coz my flight tickets were booked on the night of Diwali. I mean i know Diwali is not as BIG in BLR for me than compared to at home but over the years i have made friends and frenzy to come to terms with it and i would always want to be in some part of India during that time.

I was convincing myself over ONLY a 6 day trip. With a heavy heart, i reached the Bangalore Intl Aiport on 3rd Novemeber 00:00 hours. It's a pain to keep reciepts of all the travels you make esp for a guy who's as messy as me but i kept reminding myself to not loose anything. My flight was booked in Cathay Pacific. I had heard good reviews of it and thought as much till i reached the airport and found out that it's actually operated by Dragon Air. I met one of my colleagues at the airport. He was travelling to Beijing. Beijing is in Mainland China and HK falls under the chinese administration. Regrets about leaving on Diwali night clubbed with a cramped leg space plus the timing of the flight - all made into a clear counting hours back to return.

I had heard about the HK airport being beautiful, so i woke up just before landing. It was a 5:30 hours flight from BLR. The airport was indeed beautiful. The aircraft actually gives you a feeling that you are landing on water with mountains surrounding a scenic view. At the immigration, they asked me fewer questions than they asked me before leaving India and O yes - no where in the HK airport they stamp your passport. I didn't quite  understand why. Anyway, i had another colleague coming from hyderabad whom i had never seen in India but finding Indians in HK airport shouldn't have been a hard problem - only if i knew it would be.  I got the US dollars converted into Hong Kong dollars and headed for the hotel. I had booked Holiday Inn. We took a cab from the airport and hence began the journey through the mountains and sea shores to our hotel which was at Tim Tsha Tsui in the Kowloon district.

I was surprised by real estate i could see from the taxi window. They have built bridges on the ocean (i know most of them have) but the infrastructure gave you a feeling that land is not easy to come by in HK and hence they made use of every inch of land they have there. They have ressidential complexes that go beyond 40 stories easily. As we stepped into the city, the traffic took over. It felt like India for a while but then i realized that the traffic actually moves in the city and people follow lane disciplines. Around 40kms from the airport and we reached the hotel. The hotel itself was a 18 storyed one. Now given that i come from India - i am not used to sky scrappers. We reached around 12:30 HK time, and i was still feeling very sleepy and hungry at the same time. I looked up the menu in my room and they had Indian dishes listed in the menu - but skipping through them i ordered for a veg fried rice. I had tasted chinese food in Canada and i knew i wasn't a big fan of the authentic chinese food (mind you, i love the tibetian /chinese food we get here in India - the so called "Indian Chinese" food). The fried rice was indeed - a bit exotic but it was good to satisfy my need for a brunch. In the evening we took a stroll out on the roads around the hotel and i saw only watch stores. Watches that definitely were out of range for me. Rado, Rolex, Omega and what not. We took a walk towards the hardbor. It was beautiful.

We came back to the hotel early - with no signs of "having fun" in HK but we decided that we would hop around the city on the next day. My colleague told me about this huge building called the ICC tower - which offered a 260 degree view of the city.  It has 118 floors and is the third tallest building (wrt number of floors) in the world. We kept speculating - coz we saw another one which looked very similar to that...In my next post i shall try to portray my experiences in HK in the next few days before i came back. For now it's a wrap!

Life takes you where you want.

I am 28. I have learnt a bit about life. I am still to know how the nature behaves to my actions but i know a bit about life. There are times i feel the necessity to find out the truth  but most of the times i am happy being lost. I know it's not about wanting, it's more about giving. Less about giving up and more about carrying your spirit  within a earthly body to reach a place you'd call as the fortress of eventuality. It gets confusing at times between what you want and what you end up doing. There are momentary illusions that blind folds one into believing in things that don't exist or doesn't give you happiness, but that's what makes this life interesting. It's a fight within ourselves...after all, we manufacture every emotion, we create one and then we become desperate to kill the same one too.

Think about the last time , when your heart made a choice...O well, you made that choice, but then you didn't care about the consequences in the rush. Then comes a moment, you want to get out and free your spirit...Eventually it's you who did it and only you call the shots to not do it any more.

If you are caught in a moment, lost faith or maybe you feel dejected for being summoned by the spirals...you just need to ask yourself - the choice, like in the matrix - the blue pill or...you know what i mean, it's always a choice. If you keep making the choice to not change...Well that's your choice too, but if you want - i bet Life takes you where you want!


 Try to win back your days
You let them all escape your heart
Now that you've come so far
Why did you have to fall so hard
Look at what you've done
What have you become ...

-- Slip to the void (Alter Bridge)

Long Way From Home

2 album with over 20 compositions, yet it didn't satsify me on a personal ground on what i was set to achieve with Dark Project. We were sparse entities living in our own little worlds, in the creeks of places like the hostel rooms or the rented apartments. It had to take a mammoth effort to put the pieces back in place to start making music just the way you hear it on the record. Everybody's sacrifice to come to the city of Bangalore has been a tale i have held close to my heart. When individuals have families, career aspirations and most importantly a necessity to find one's own survival - music in India takes a back seat.

The good news is that i am not with such individuals who play music for instant fame. I am not with a set of individuals who value gimmicks more than art. I am with individuals who win everything they put a step on. 2 years of playing music in Bangalore, together as a band and a will to write an album that would replicate the exact sound of madness that we held inside. Hence came a decision to put the ink to paper and write a record that would correct all the things we missed out in the past and express our feelings as individuals much on a personal level. 

Long Way From Home is not Dark Project's 3rd album, i always regard it as the first and an onset of a journey that forgets about how much we had to fight to put the bricks together but rather sketches a painting of our souls while we try to connect to our admirers in a fresh n new way. The album has  taken almost a year to compose and record. Precisely with 8 tracks - each bleeding into the other, is composed, mixed, played, written, produced by Dark Project.

The songs deal with a variety of subjects including faith, love, bravery, sacrifice and what not. I have heard it on repeat as we went on to achieve near perfection with our limited boundaries. We didn't want this to become just another record but something we have put our best in. Duality is the first single off the album and will be released as a video in the month of September, followed by the album launch and possibly gigs to promote it.

Not everything is in one's hand, rather i think there's nothing in our hands than to just give it the best shot we could. After putting the unmixed record on play - i can rest assure tell the world that i am really proud of what we have made. Sauvik, Ugyal, Korak and last but not the least Daryl have done a tremendous job with the album and only makes me want to write music for another 100 years, if mortality permits that rule.

Sweat, anger, effort and a never say die attitude is what brings this album together in one piece. I guess i would want to dedicate this album to my mom and to each of our families who have been enormous in supporting us through our lives. There cannot be a 'Dark Project' lighting it up without them!!


We meet ourselves,
We meet ourselves into someone we don't know.
We try to chase, we try to chase that someone we don't know.
Will you cry for someone to write the story of your own?
Will you jump, will you break to reach where you belong?

~Salvation!

This world is driven by implicit choices.

This is my first post of the year. Yeah i have been doing too many things, mostly in my mind. I am never out of time and neither i believe in time leaving ones' side ever. This post is about the time travel i did for an hour or so, listening to one of my favorite artists' of all time - Darren Hayes' album - This delicate things we've made. 

Anyway, let's get straight up to what i wish to convey here. In my retrospection, i found that life is driven by implicit choices. We would get to what i mean by that in a bit. I am sure all of us have had this feeling of getting stuck at a certain juncture in our lives - where we see roads that we never want to walk or we see outcomes that we never want to accept. There are these moments, you wish to break free and get out of but all your efforts give you only a temporal relief and you end up finding yourself in that same old place again. So i thought, why don't i put in my life's perspective and search the answer to such miseries. The outcome of this, really surprised me. It surprised me because it's very simple to understand yet it is very difficult to believe in. 

No matter where we are and what we have done so far in our lives, everything was driven by choices that nature chose for us. When i say nature, i mean the conscience that resides within each of us. Some people popularly call it "decisions made by the heart". Never anyone could be happy or could kill a misery by applying explicit ideas of cure. If you scan through your life, it must be full of those butterfly effect moments that changed the next course of history. It could be from loving someone to making sure you don't have that feeling anymore. From choosing to build a castle over happiness or finding happiness in doing so. You really never know where the end lies or when would one come out of it. This is something that is governed by nature. 

Our human brain has a limited capacity but it has infinite capabilities. It's about dimensions of oneself that can only be limited to certain number of choices but one may possibly do endless things in that one dimension. Our human brain has always worked through substitutions. The substitutions are these implicit choices i am trying to talk about here. Your dearest friend may find a reason in you to quit some of his/her habits. Someone may choose to do the drugs to substitute you from their brains. Someone might want to get into someone else and never care for you. But believe me, whenever there's been something new that came into your life, it always took away something. It could be sorrow that got taken away by happiness or the other way around. This is a little disturbing, if you are a firm believer that there's something called this one thing that is made for you and you are made for it. I personally feel, nothing like that exists in this universe. The universe is actually within you and you define the rules. But the dicey part is, that these rules that you define has a far greater reaction within yourself if they are made explicitly and not naturally. These leave with trails of remorse and a life long sense of a lament. 

So if you really wish things to change for you, then wait for that right moment, when you give a chance to your heart to make a choice on it's own. These choices, could be driven by situations, conditions but the acceptance can only come when you believe in it.

What do i want from life.

Today a strange question was asked to me, What do i want in my life? And to my surprise, i was paused for about 1 minute before i could answer it. My answers were, a family - maybe coz i have always craved for one. Maybe coz i know that family gives us strength. Then i just couldn't answer anything beyond it. So i decided that i will go back home, shut myself out in my room and write this down on my blog.  Today i want to think about me, myself and what i would look forward to have in my life.


I think i have lived this life mostly for others so far. Be it for getting love, be it for playing music, be it for feeling obligated to care for someone. But really is it eventually the thing that i would want to take down to my grave? I think i have spent most part of my life, choosing sadness over happiness. I have always looked at what i don't have instead of looking at what god gave me. It's a mindset, i need to change for my good because now my survival is under threat. I just cannot feel bad, i just cannot feel dejected, unhappy and insecure.

Anyway coming back to what i want from life. I think i got goals in my life during my +2. With very little practical knowledge about life. I set my sights on becoming a musician. More like Savage Garden back in those days and slowly my tastes bled into becoming a rock musician. I guess somehow in the past 3-4 years, i have lost that interest because i tasted waters that sort of made me realize that it's a wild goose chase. But today i want to fall back and ask myself that same question again - is it really a wild goose chase at the end of the day? What is possible in life? To love someone so much that you'd think that life will not move on without her and then eventually look back and discover that it was just a phase and you can quit anything in life? Is it about believing that the job i have, that pays me handsomely today would sustain me for the next 40 years? To imagine that i would fall in love again and never ever let go of that person? Everything is possible in life. If disasters are easier to believe in then i am sure that fate has an equal share of happiness associated with it. I think it's only a practice, that we human beings need to do - Be fearless and Choose the things we want.  I want to go back and tell myself that maybe i don't want my music career as passionately as i used. Maybe i have given up on the sight to see. Maybe i need to resurrect my thoughts once again and do what i like.  As i write this, i guess there are no two thoughts on what i want to become in life. I don't want to be an IT professional, neither i want to become an MBA grad. I want to be loved by a million and i want to love that one special person, who'd love me differently than those millions out there. I want to sing to a crowd and make them reciprocate my feelings. I want to travel around the world - take the long drive around the grand canyon and say that i have lived life Kingsize!

I think i have to revive what i am loosing with every single minute passing by me. I have to think about things that i really beckon from life. Not something that can give me a momentary phase of happiness. I have to release myself from shackles that hold me close to a situation and makes me change my emotions towards them. I think those human beings who change because of situations are spineless. I don't want to be one of them!

I think i have found my answer to what i want in life eventually now...

How loyal are you to your company!

My job allows me to work from home, however, this time i chose not to. I was returning from home, around 3000 miles away from Bangalore. While sitting on the train to Kolkata, i meet a person who after a few lines of introductory conversation asks me, "How loyal are you to your company"? I was a little stunned to have heard that question all of a sudden out of the blue, we were talking rally races before that. It's not very often that i am caught off guard but this was one such occasion. I told him that "I am loyal to my work more than my company". He got a little irked by the answer. He seemed a little biased about the IT Industry in India where the average lifespan of a particular Job is not more than 3 years. He asked me, "Why do you switch companies every 2-3 years?" My answer, "We do that because IT is a very dynamic industry and you cannot be stuck with one technology forever, unless it's cutting age. If your company doesn't give you a room to move around, you'd rather not want to rot at the same place and become a less skilled employee in the market". He was not satisfied with this answer. He went to tell me about his profession. He is a doctor, who would see 100s of patients on a single day by loosing sleep. He asks me, "How many hours do you sleep in the night?". I felt a little irked again. I chose to close the topic and did not feel like continuing the conversation.

Today about 1 and half months after that incident, i sat down to think on why i feel the urge to move around various companies. Is it something to do with my Salary? The answer surprisingly is a NO.
Let's take an example of an organization that has about 100 employees. The "degrees of separation" between the CEO and an employee on an average will at max be 2. An average employee closely impacts the revenue of the organization and the margin for error per employee is very less. This means that an employee is more accountable towards his company's end goal. Employees are highly skilled, there is nothing like a "Bell's curve" in picture and most of them are happy. Motivation factor? Mostly to do with accountability. Now let's name this Company as A (well i got to a late naming this time). Let's take another Company called B, with the same portfolio as A. B on the other has a very profit minded CEO/Owner. He wants to grow (Sorry for using all masculine gender) his company. For that matter, he decides to make an IPO. Considering that this company has performed exceedingly well in the past, buyers have a lot of faith and the IPO gets sold out in minutes. Now we have more investors on this company than that one guy who owned it. Every investor looks for profit. The CEO has to instill confidence on the company's shareholders. He decides that volume is more important than quality. Even though you can think about having no bell curve during appraisals but now the company looks at the Supply Chain Model. Here the resources (supply) are the People who will do this volume work. Slowly but steadily, company B figures out work items that can be executed with less skilled people. Hence rather than hiring from the IITs, it now falls back to the other Engineering colleges for recruitment. A imbalance is struck in terms of accountability because the person who is doing a less skilled work might still screw that up and not impact the companies overall revenue. First quarter results of expansion - Excellent. The CEO and the Shareholders are really happy. Now they go on to set a record margin for the next quarter. More hiring takes place and all of a sudden this company's employee skill structure becomes like a view you'd see with  Windows De-fragmentation. As the company expands, the "Degrees of separation" between that same employee grows to a phenomenal number. All of a sudden an average employee, concentrate only on his area of work and forgets about what the overall organization goal is. Now, his accountability reduces from delivering revenue to delivering for his module. Slowly, he dissects himself from feeling a part of the company to being only responsible for his job. Now I know why i felt that I am Loyal to my work more than my company. 

The idea of making someone feel "Special" not just within the organization but as a citizen is reducing day by day. IT is trying to put it's footprint into everything that we do in life. Calling it a giant bubble might be too early but isn't it true that the impatience level and the dissatisfaction we suffer for our job is ever increasing? The resources are becoming more volatile also courtesy of the imbalance the Salary Structures create post a Job Switch. We might be happy today about it but then who is the person who is responsible for this? I leave that to you, to find out!

A Journey back home.

It's been a while yet again since the last time i took up writing. None the less, i am back home and it might be one of those real drivers behind this post. Let's not dwell, let's just picture this right up.

It was 12th of July, an exhausted soul, more for waking up at 5:00 AM to get on the flight to Kolkata and eventually running through a day full of events - yes events, that would involve tackling the weather in Kolkata (i am not so strong on my bones to boast of it) and then to hear an onslaught of offers, made at my cousin brother's place about them willing to get me married. How insane is that, isn't it? For anyone of you who think that marriage is an institution, you definitely would want to believe that not everyone deserves a chance to qualify and not be pushed. Haven't we been directed to do everything in our lives from the day we were born? To give us the direction in which they wanted us to sail if not them choosing it directly? I am sure there are many of you unfortunate ones out there - who have always had to bear with the inability to make a decision and were given an answer that you without a qualm, accepted.

Nah, but this ain't about cribbing about my personal life like i always do over this white sheet of "virtual paper". It's more so about what happened when i finally got on the train from Ranaghat to head towards Sealdah. So picture this, at the Ranaghat station, where this train originated from, i reach around 5 mins before the train was scheduled to depart. I see that the train is already filled with people. If i was a super computer with super sensing AI technology, then i think i would count it up to about 30000 people inside that god damn train. Nah, not that i guarantee  you of the number - i didn't proclaim of a six sigma, i may have added a little bias of frustration into it. So i finally manage to get a seat after traversing through the multiple compartments where people stood by the doors to allude me from believing that there was indeed some empty benches made of wood for me. I eventually find one to rest my ass. And here we go, all of a sudden the thought of the "India Shining" glitters bright in my head and i start picturing reality right in front of my eyes. I see people mostly dark in complexion because of the excessive global warming struggle side to side to find a place. Then in comes a bunch of what my mom taught me to call them - "Hawkers", bringing down national market right into your laps. I see people of the age of mid 40s, selling 6 apples at the cost of 10 bucks - I thought we don't even get 6 panipuris for that price in Bangalore? Then in comes this guy selling "chanachur", i ask for one. I take out a 5 bucks note and hand it over to him, and i look outside the window. This man calls me and hands me back 2 rupees as change. I was like - really? Are you sure, you aren't mistaken? I mean i can't blame myself for the price i pay for a cup of tea in Bangalore - that too when i have to actually reach out to the CCD or the Barista instead of them coming to me.

All of a sudden i start to picture on what this 3 rupees could mean to this guy and eventually with all the costs and energy he puts up in selling it at 45 - is it what we really called, India Shining? Is it something that i have or rather we have closed our eye lids for? I am sure this person, doesn't make more than 200 bucks a day of profit for working up his ass like none of us do for that amount of money we get paid - neither he has a respect of telling people about what he does. He is this street monger, really fighting a battle to live this life. Like really? Like really at 45? Then i see these guys sitting next to me, with linen pants and again sweaty as if they are put into a furnace, looking at me like i am some survivor from the mars. O c'mon, i am no different, yes for sure i earn probably a respectful but you should see my life man - i don't save no money. I gulp a peg of whiskey and i pay 700 bucks for it. Then the next moment, i see this tea guy, i buy a cup of tea from him for 3 bucks. Does it quench my thirst? Sure it does, do i feel any different? No i don't. Do i observe all these and think India is not really shining and that i have probably missed a point in my life - Yes i do feel that way.

On my journey to Alipurduar that same night inside Kanchan Kanya express, a person as coveted as a chartered accountant (not accounting it to my disbelief) makes a very valid point about politics in India. He said, that none of them want the masses to get educated because education makes a person think independently. Maybe ruling won't be an option if we really wanted people to be educated. If they were probably educated, then that man working up his ass for that 200 bucks will end up spending his energy into something that would give him more money and more "respect". But then this is how we are dead stricken behind our legacy and yet proclaim of a progressive nation. Neither we move beyond that margin, neither maybe we want to. Now do you have an answer to "India Shining"? Or do we attribute it to the 700 bucks worth of Jack Daniels with Coke?

Drops of Love.

Yet again, i am at home and i have all the time this universe has to offer. I think i should take my mom there with me soon - so that i get all these useful time to do stuff that I wouldn't normally get the time to do - write blogs.

As life squeezes out even that last bit of juice, i tend to think on the funny side of it. I mean let's face it - i grew up as that insecure boy - who was always scared to say a thing to the other guy 'cause i always knew that i had no one to support my family. Got myself eaten up in a rot where life was about being a pessimist with no hope. But now i realize that the small thoughts of how nothing was possible to spreading my arms around in the sky had one little difference - the difference was in my head. The difference was that, as i moved around to more unknown places around this world of mine - i realized that after all - it's not too bad and the planet has more places that i could roam than the lanes i feared to step in my neighborhood. The reason i can make out that difference so distinctly is because i can step into both the worlds as a courtesy of this visit.

But na na, i ain't comparing those two worlds. This post is about converting your adolescence into your teens. Well, when parents tell you to study - you usually feel it as a burden, atleast i did. Then there is this time, when i am craving to do new things at work - as if it's a playground i always wanted to be at. Then you talk about this band - well, you tend to think that you can touch the sky when you jump during your teens but then reality bites you and it brings you down. Same happened to me, but now i wish to see it fly again. Talk about flying and here we are boarding our first flight for a show together next week. I realize the value of all these because i started from nothing. But amidst all these, there's one thing that is still missing like it was missing in my teens - "Love" - like i got it and spilled it all over. Somehow, i feel in this whole process of fighting ways in life - i missed what is actually more important than any of these. No wonder that i shall spend another day tomorrow - as the world would celebrate Valentine's day!

These days when i walk on the street, i feel good, i feel positive for the things i could do and now i don't want to see where i come from - i just one to be one among the rest and walk ahead. This took sometime for me to start thinking about. If someone wants to advocate free thinking - my life may serve as a good example, how it can transform someone. However, in the process of making up for the time from my teens - i hope life gives me back what is more important to me than anything else. If you yearn for the same - don't loose out on the "Drops of Love".

Veronica!

Sitting on the porch last nite,
Holding my guitar and the notes of a lullaby.
I was making sketches in the air,
Drawing a picture of you - singing and listening to me tonite.

Is it someone again or you are the name,
That i have held everything for Veronica
You leave me unheard, i sound so absurd,
And I don't want to wake up to this life again.

I expected in real life
something that was more than a dream
Your shawdow casts a spell on me
and i thought it was the start of the spring.

Then came the end and i don't pretend,
My story just chose a new start
Waiting again, frowning the end,
stalking the moment that made us fall apart.

Now i wait for you under this lonely moon.
The sketch is still incomplete
But i know one stroke of affection
and i will stop our hopes to deceit.

Veronica, turn back see through the words.
Those Carry a bag with the pieces of my wishes.
In the end, I just smile again, '
'coz one day i will grow out of me from these ashes.

*Veronica, is still a little upset with me, but i am sure she will make both of us proud one day.
Disclaimer: If you thought you are Veronica, then you might just be right!

Vengeance.

Pretty Girl, you know a bit too much about you.

Behind your face you hide a story so obvious.

I can read your twisted letters they aren't so decieving.

After all, you are flesh and bones, a creation of the living.

Fight it on, mocking me as if i am on the other side

Fuel your thoughts better and know about yourself.

I am a reflection to haunt you, if not now then some other time.

I will be kind to leave, but not unless i get there.

So you try, with some other guy

I will rewind, to the place i started.

All your hopes will wait for another day

You had your chance, now it's your turn to pay.

Pretty girl, this beauty is not permanent.

As the makeups wash away with time, you don't turn naive.

You have shown me a side of me, that i hate to morph in.

Turn me to my alter self to find a heartbeat that skipped in vain.

I am the one and i am the only one is a bit overrated,

You know it's a big world that we live in to pleasure our senses

There are pictures that fit better than you in them,

Try to look out, don't live in within yourself.

So you try, with some other guy

I will rewind, to the place i started.

All your hopes will wait for another day

You had your chance, now it's your turn to pay.

The thoughts of the author are based on real life experiences...Any resemblance of any kind is more than just a coincidence. Read your credit if you can spot that.

Miles to go before i sleep

...It was the Autumn of 1998, a heart was filled with Joy and anticipation. It was this time every year, when the trees used to change colors, when the birds were heard singing notes clearly and of course it was the time when a boy waited to get gifts from his relatives in the form of new clothing. He loved wearing clothes and it was only this time of the year that he could afford them. Every time he saw one, he would just draw portraits of himself in the air and fit himself in one of those Bollywood movies, the songs of which were never as romantic as right now. He knew that it was a hard fought battle in a place where even the leafs of the tree won't fly unless the wind comes and blows them away. It was a place where excitement had a limited meaning, where the biggest achievement in everyone's life was to inherit a Job for the Indian Railways from their parents.

For some weird reason, he did not strike a good balance with his friends. He always had a different opinion about everything, he had different choices. Bourne with insecurity, he thought that people did not like him much because of his 'Good Boy Attitude'. No use of abusive words, no distasteful talks that would make his mother angry, he would just stay away from all the 'fun' that his friends liked to do. He was a cricket fanatic. The days when he could come to know of an Indian match, he will have a sleepless night imagining how his favorite southpaw Saurav Ganguly would perform. He was growing up at a place where dreams were limited to a height and was definitely not about touching the sky...but he believed...

Coming back to Autumn of 1998, he had bought the cassette of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. How so ever, he hated Shahrukh Khan movies and wanted Salman Khan to be the bigger star, he would not hesitate to admit that he liked the way SRK romanced women in his movies. For a brief moment he would just wish to be like him. The 4 Cinema halls showing movies a few years back were reduced to only 3 and they showed movies atleast a month after their release. It was not worth the wait and the cable television would keep showing the dated movies from time to time. This box that many people call an Idiot Box, was the source of information for him. It opened the whole world's panoramic view in front of him. He would just love watching it, skipping his syllabus, skipping his meals. It was only this Television which taught him that Kolkata was a BIG city, where expensive cars whizzed by the road. In this town, he could only spot a Maruti 800 rarely.

Financially, he could manage a video game from his mother as his birthday gift. He was very hesitant in asking her but everytime he did, he was never denied. He would feel guilty of it, because he knew that it was not easy for her to buy such expensive stuff for him. . He had a bitter taste of the society in his mouth already and just kept dreaming of a day when he would just flee with his mother...

Today it's 17th March 2011, i am back in Alipurduar. The place where i grew up. The premise of the story is left unchanged. The trees look lifeless, people still have the same dream job. The displacement they have during their days is just as much as a walk to the nearest tree trunk to take out a bundle of cards. Teenagers still have a lot of angst in them and think themselves as great warriors if they could beat up the other guy. The Cinema halls are now reduced to 2 and they hardly show any movies other than that in Bengali. The cars are more visible, we see a Santro often. However, at night the only thing that breaks the silence of the darkness around is a whistle of a train. No one has moved in their lives, they look content, they look happy. I feel guilty that i am still not totally successful in my dream of taking my mom out of this place. She sleeps after a tiring days' of work with the television set on, if it was not for me, i wonder when she wakes up to turn it off on the other days. I want this to end badly. After 11 years since i left this place, i really cannot recognize myself as one of them...When i realize that i am wrong - my heart gets filled with pride...I just hum the lines that read...Miles to go before i sleep....

Sailing where my mind takes me now...

It was in the year 2001 when i realized for the first time that i should have a dream in my life...I wanted to sing...I remember the song - It's my life by Bon Jovi at that time and how i would visualize the video while taking the buses from Alipurduar to Coochbehar where i was studying in high school...The whole idea of a band came with our first performance on the annual day on 21st of April 2001 - Five of us on stage and No Matter What by Boyzone on the playlist...Little did i know that boy bands were cheesy back then...But that day did mark the start of day dreaming under the sun...Scrobling my thoughts down on a piece of paper as there were no laptops or computers back in those days...Capturing every bit of my imagination...Some of them could have actually lead to a homicide if read in detail.

I had no idea about what engineering is...until someone told me that i should go for IIT JEE(I refuse to take anybody's name in this post)...There was no reason for giving IIT, if it was not for music...I still cannot correlate the two things...Anyway...I don't regret my decision till today...Actually Engineering suited me...the engineering college..even more...from being a small town and an unknown face in the crowd to a popular name in college...It felt good when they gave me that watch...I must say, i have done well in my studies throughout my life other than the biggest setback i had during my class Xth board exams even after doing great in my pre-tests...Don't know what went wrong there...It just took away the confidence from my life for the next 3 years...

I was never a guy to boast about myself...I realized soon that in this world the fight is to become a good human being and networking with people is the best thing that can happen...I loved to talk and meet new people...Engineering got over and i got a job in Bangalore...Again little to the surprise of my destiny and without sparing a moment to connect the dots...I came here...Through out this whole time, my destiny was to become a musician...and i must say...i did not want to become a musician for myself...I wanted to play music to the world...I wanted people to hear me and only that could give me any pleasure...

The ship just sailed half sunk in water...Until, after 3 years and 7 months of being in Bangalore, i finally took a call about what i would want to do and how i would want to do....Sometimes the fight is so prolonged that you loose the sense of a comeback...rather comeback becomes an illusion...Today i know what can make me happy....I will keep playing music for the rest of my life and for that it is necessary that i take a break now...I am not hanging up my boots...I am just going into a hiatus...This time around, connecting the dots make a lot more sense because i just reversed my thought process...I have never been so determined ever...and i am sure i won't regret it.

Caught in the wrong Job

How many times did this thought cross your mind that – You are caught in a wrong job?

It’s funny how we all landed up where we are. It might be an easy guess that most of us are into what we are doing because it just happened to us. I might have been working my ass up into some other stuff given I did not have an engineering to do. 99% of the time you are either following the society or you are following your fate.

It aptly means that your interest towards doing what you are doing will die a slow death or you would be mostly bored at work like me.

I wonder what stops us from taking that step towards doing something that we really like to do. I guess the word is Courage. It’s hard to be a rebel in this world where everything is prototyped, where you are molded into a religion and mostly made a follower of some creed.

If we think a little then we would know that the rules of the society are made by arriving at an optimization that works the best for maintaining balance in the society. It is probably a set of rules which were made to give everyone a possession of their own. At the advent of the society – did we have a Hindu Follower, a muslim follower, a Jew, a Christian etc with each of them depicting their own theories of start of the universe? It doesn’t work that way – these are what you are made to think like. There are three important things by which every human being is controlled by that external body we call GOD…These are – Love and Lust. All the other feelings are derivatives of these two – be it sorrow or joy or anything else.

I have always been fascinated about knowing what happens to us when we die. But you see, this is a condition that can not be experienced unless it’s attained and neither can be copied from someone else’s– I wonder what science calls this state? From childhood, we have been made to think in shapes, boundaries, limits – so whatever we see around us – our brain always tries to confine it within a marked line. It maybe very analogous to think that the human brain functions like a computer program where if you input an infinite loop, it would have far widening implications that would create an imbalance in the system. Much like the same, our human brain has certain limitations and it is just not possible to go beyond it, but that also means that the reality is far widening then what we can think. We might be a part of a bigger ecosystem that we can’t figure out. Imagine the computer program. It only knows that there is a computer which contains many other computer programs inside it and everything is contained inside a PC analogous to what we call our UNIVERSE. This write up is evolving my thought process as I write further, probably for the good of it.

So now, imagine, what can a possible computer program do to sense a world which is beyond its existence. Cloud Computing? Interesting? Yes, the computer program can get to know about parallel Universes that exist by connecting through an external media called the Internet – which again is actually a computer program of its own. It’s funny how everything is recursive in life and everything eventually boils down to the state of singularity where everything was nothing but just ONE. But what happened to our quest to come out of the computer world and dive into a new world. I think by this time you have already figured out the problem of coming out of the Computer world – If the computer program comes out of the computer world then it would loose it’s identity of being a program. So the next thing to bother here is the change of states, but don’t worry, I won’t bother you much with that for this post atleast.

I think death is that phase where the change of state happens for a human being. This is the time when you go into a different dimension and loose your existing one. There are no rules followed as the ones that are followed in the existing world – a new beginning happens.

Now you would wonder how to co-relate the start of the post to where it went and where it is right now. I guess, the purpose of change of states is not an easy concept after allJ.

...Life moves on...

It's a mixed bag of emotions as i count the last remaining days with my first company - Wipro Technologies, Bangalore. I must confess that it has been one of the toughest decisions of my life to leave this organization and pursue an opportunity outside. When i look back - I probably don't see a grief or any sign of remorse...All i see are some unforgettable moments and memoirs that this company has given me for the past 3 years and 5 months.

23rd July 2007, a bunch of 10 people from HIT were given a joining under the header of Magnum Opus. 31st of July 2007 - we were deported to Bangalore and our 3 months mandatory training was waived off because we had done a project with the company during our final semester. Yes indeed, it was like a feeling of a Chosen One - but probably not for long. We had a 15 day extensive Java training - there were many names but one which stuck with me for all these years was definitely Anoop. We were assigned projects by 19th August 2007. I got lucky with the Nortel Networks account.

From that day till now - it has been one heck of a ride. There were times when i just wanted to give up and there were times when i could enjoy an unparalleled feeling of happiness. My most enjoyable tenure work wise was with the GNPS issues that i got a chance to resolve. These were challenging and also gave me the perfect blend to learn and get exposed to the world. I learned to interact with people who were not of our culture and felt being responsible. Yes, i would probably take Chethan Mangalore's name right at the beginning before anyone else who have supervised me for in my present organization. I think as a reportee the best joy is to see people having faith in you, Chethan did just that. It gave me whole new confidence in dealing with things in life. No prizes for guessing but he gave me the opportunity to travel outside my home country too. Gaurav has been my mentor from almost the start of my career and i still take his opinions on things which are related my professional career. Well not to mention the fun i have had in conducting games or participating in one to make the work place more happening.

Speaking of onsite, Canada was a life changing one for me. So many of them out there in Canada who just gave me the love that i honestly never expected. I feel proud to say that i was one of those of lucky ones who found home out of home and where people really wanted me to come back again. What can be more saddening than leaving a part of me there with the uncertainity that it maybe really long before i see them again...It was like India there, it was like college and i felt people around the world are no different than us or we are no different than them. One random line that probably means a lot more than JUST being a line is this - Shaiju K, you are the best manager (not just a people manager) i have worked with/seen so far in my life...not to mention about the opportunities that became reality because of you. I learned a lot from you and would always be in touch!

I was lucky enough to visit Canada for the second time and it just showed me how people can be really welcoming to you - if you really know how to talk and acknowledge. Personally it was a great achievement because i thought i broke a lot of myths about Indians - yeah Russell we do have stereotypes but then if they were not there - you would be unemployed right now.

Getting back to India - Ah! What should i say...So many friends in Wipro as i leave...maybe i should take a breather and take all of their names who would remain as buddies even outside the organization - Tej, Shrikant, Santhosh, Sandeep S, Shyami, Raka, Sony...and recently - Umesh, Sundeep, Jyoti, Usha, Shuhaibu, Krishna, Sristy, Priyanka, Sai, Aruna and so many of them...You know the secret of having so many friends is by treating each one of them specially...but the place where i met with these wonderful people is at Wipro. I should not skip to mention Mahesh and Kiran too - you guys are more than managers for people. Also, the one Bengali who gave me all the confidence and also who made me feel that i was special - Mr. Sabyasachi Malakar. Also it's a necessity to mention Selva's name who was my first mentor and is a wonderful guide even till date. Gautam - i don't hesitate to say this that you are the most underrated person i have ever met in terms of programming ability...I know you would achieve a lot. Savitha and Sangeetha will always remain like those two cute seniors whom i always loved getting my legs pulled by.

I know my days are numbered and it would be a long walk on the 20th of December out of the Wipro Campus. Many asked me the reason - why i wanted to quit and till this night - i don't have a specific reason. I did not hate my managers - i loved each one of them i worked with. I did not crib for onsites they came to me, i did not ask for band progression they happened...But i think we all need to move on in life to an uncertain world at some point of time - forgetting our fear...where it might just be a new beginning...

All my gratitude to Wipro Tech, i wish the organization - all the very best and the people working for it or who have worked for it. It's hard to say a goodbye but probably it's for a comeback....The earth is round and Well you never know!!!

Cheers!